Bean2 is obsessed with how people are feeling. He wants everyone to be happy. He can’t yet understand that it is possible to feel more than one thing at a time (insert sexist joke here about how ‘men’ never do) and so a comment like ‘Oh, Mummy is tired,’ is met with ‘No, Mummy. Mummy not tired. Mummy is HAPPY.’
And mostly, Mummy is happy. Mostly, and most of the time. Really I am.
Here’s what’s making me happy (and sometimes not happy) at the moment.
- Nearly the summer holidays! Nearly time for proper family time: 6 whole weeks of it. Holiday and free time and no evening working or deadlines.
- The lovely Beans. Playing and laughing and doing funny, crazy things together. Loving each other more than anything else.
- Bean1 – very nearly 4, funny and smart and kind and caring. Noisy, bossy and so, so brave. Starting to read and write. So ready for school.
- Bean2 – a smiley, happy 2. Affectionate, loving and such a chatterbox. Potty training and actually doing ok at it. An amazing little person.
- House feels a bit organised, garden coming together, happy in our space.
- Work. I’m enjoying it. I’ve fallen back in love a little bit with teaching and know I get to carry on where I am for the whole of next year. Making the leap was the best thing I could have done and it’s all coming together.
NOT SO HAPPY
- Nearly the summer holidays. Which, as every teacher will tell you, has meant a crazy few weeks since half term. MrHSS and I have barely seen each other since the end of May. If he hasn’t been working, he’s been gigging, and I’ve been solo parenting (for at least part of) every weekend since half term. It’s been full-on, and relentless, and I’m in desperate need of some time to call my own. I need a haircut, and my eyebrows threaded, and fitting in the time even to do jobs that are essential for our family organisation (stuff like buying birthday presents, posting letters) is nigh on impossible without two small people in tow who, lovely as they are, do not make chores easy.
My career has taken a hit, and in the meantime MrHSS is climbing ladders all over the place and looking forward to starting a new job in September. MrHSS is a great husband and father. He’s interested, and involved, and we are the most important thing to him. I’m extremely lucky to be able to work part time and spend time with the children – and wouldn’t trade it for anything. But every so often being priority number 4 in a group of 4 (actually, make that 5 – even the cat comes before me – gets a little wearing. I know I don’t do myself any favours – I’m the one who puts the others above me – but I could do with a bit more recognition right now.
Let’s hope some holiday time will redress the balance. Less work, more play, and more time. Just a bit more time, please. Then, Bean2, Mummy will be really happy.